Reweaving

The Last thing I wrote on my First post(link) about this was

All this has been one hell of a shock, it has really changed the way I think about people, about myself, about prejudice, privilege, power, its really made me think about the way I relate to other people with different oppressions from mine.

And it has been a shock, It has changed what the world looks like for me, how I move, through it, what I need from it, and it has changed the way, people look at me, interact with me, think about me
and something that really shocks me is I never ever thought about this before

I grew up with a really disabled parent so if you’d have asked me I’d have said I was aware of disability issues, that I knew what it was like to be disabled, that I understood the experiences of disabled people, that I knew what disabled people needed, that I was inclusive of disabled people
And it comes down to me now, that this was crap, yes I probably did know more about living with certain disabilities than a lot of people but I never knew what it was really like until I became disabled myself.

And this spans out into my life, into my interactions with other women, It really makes me realize how privileged I am as a white middle class cisgendered woman who was previously able bodied, There were things I didn’t have to think about, didn’t have to negotiate and so never thought deeply, honestly about how much energy it took other women who weren’t me to negotiate the world.

And its this, That I’m never going to be a woman of colour, I’m never gong to be a trans woman I’m never going to be any other woman, never going to know what its like to be them, even if they are my friends, family, lovers, I am always going to have a blind spot, so I need to be aware of this, to know that its there and do everything I can to lessen it, to negate it, to not decide what they need, because that is always going to be deciding what they need from my perspective not theirs.

And it is not okay for me to speak for them, Its important that I support other women who aren’t me in creating spaces where they can speak for themselves, but i cant speak for them

And I need to remember that being inclusive is not going “lets organise this thing and if people who aren’t us feel welcome they can come along” its making sure that it is organised in such a way that everyone feels welcome from the off.

And it has spurred me to read more by women that aren’t me, to listen more to women that aren’t me, because while I don’t think that blind spot can be got rid of I have a duty to lessen it, to make my feminism, my activism, my life, about not just women like me